AUDE FLYER 04/2005

Letter from a new Limouxine

The cold is creeping under the uninsulated door as I write. Must find the gaffer tape and seal up a few gaps. The worst one is from where the plumber bored a huge hole in the kitchen wall about the size of a side plate, I know this is to prevent us asphyxiating from gas fumes but it creates a howling gale around the ankle area and somewhat counters the effect of the central heating. The other morning I spent about two hours trying to re-discover the electric blanket which I had thrown with a smug ‘ha ha, be seeing you baby” into a deep cupboard at the onset of spring. This now seemed foolish, and when at last seeing the flex practically sobbed with relief…pathetic isn’t it…It was worth every second of the two hours search. The fact that I can crawl into a cocoon of secure warmth and pretend I am lying on a sun-kissed beach makes the discovery of electricity…quite good really.

Which reminds me. How did we survive before computers?? I was stranded the other day when our ‘Mac’ decided to not connect me to anything. I had wanted to find some information on the web about a certain British artist. Usually I sit there tutting slightly as google takes over… SIX SECONDS! to bring forth 4 million entries about whatever it might be. A site for whippet jumpers, why was the kilt invented, how to make bouillabaisse etc etc. Nothing happened. I twiddled bits of cable ineptly, turned it all on and off and on again, and then suggested that the computer might like to visit the street via the window. Nothing happened. Luckily some friends came round for lunch, which saved my sanity, and, as Steve is a whiz computer person, prevented the sound of chunk of plastic hitting tarmac. Its amazing to listen to someone speaking an entirely different language, even though it is roughly based on English. “do you know if the Q63rd,ur\fireblot screezsrunger is in place at the moment” he said mildly. “Er..yes ..probably” I muttered. “well there’s a possible problem with the X35 caketoast yoppersplot No 3567”, he added darkly. “lets phone Mark” I suggested. They then had a phone conversation of which I understood about 9.3% Steve did some impressive stuff with the keypad, and…it all worked again. I can vaguely remember when a mad looking man came into our school with a piece of beige plastic about the size of a large rabbit hutch. The whole school were gathered around while the man demonstrated the ‘computer’ It was about the same time that ‘Alan’ the boy that always had everything, bought in his new ‘pocket calculator’ which had cost 25 pounds (in 1973) Things have changed….

I must say Limoux is looking charming on these crisp evenings. Huge ‘sapin’ in the square which was lolling drunkenly but has been put straight, and some very tasteful white and gold decorations in the side streets. I never was sure about last years darth Vader black flashing disco lights.

We have our own Christmas countdown machine in the house (Ezra). The first thing we hear in the morning is…. “Dad?” “blerr.. what”? “how many days is it till Christmas”?

“Umm, 17 I think”

Child’s response:

1/ Yeahhh, GREAT!!

2/ Does father Christmas exist?

3/ How does he get down the small pipe into the wood stove?

Parents when child is out of ear shot

1\”Argg it can’t only be 17 days..can it?”

2\ “ when did you say your mother is coming”?

3/” Argg..tree..cards…cakes…presents…time ..overdrafts…work..humbug…and peace on earth.

Ahh…winter…again. Time of silvery frosted branches, black tree silhouettes against breathtaking sunsets and….desperate searching for any piece of dry wood to build a fire with. We are mad. We own a wood. We have not managed to chop a single weedy tree down, and not stack a single log to dry over summer. Next year.

Ahh..winter…long health-promoting walks with… the dog. The dog has arrived at the time of year when she is suddenly incredibly interesting to the male dogs of Limoux. The long walks striding across frosty hilltops are at the moment a crazed dash around the streets trying to avoid the horrible pack of hounds, ranging from a huge black droopy eared thing to a small sad and woolly poodle. I have a special dog whacking stick, and we traverse the ‘place’ shouting va t’en, sod off and other mixed language expletives. I’m sure much to the amusement of the other town inhabitants. Yesterday when it rained continuously all day, the small sad poodle stood outside our door in a silent vigil…..

Well, better go and do item No 47 on the list of things to do. This is a depressing list at the moment it is not getting shorter. Sometimes in the morning I ‘refresh’ the list by writing it out anew, perhaps pathetically adding a couple of items that I did achieve by accident, and then ticking them off so the list looks active. Mark is not a list writer and eyes this activity with wry humour and derision. However I’m sure it’s a useful and sanity saving exercise. Where IS the list, “has anyone seen my list”??

New list.

No 1/ buy an exercise book that could serve as a list book, attach to table.

No2/ Find a pen and stop everyone else taking it.

No3/ Try not to look at list more than 5 times a day.

Byeee, Kate.

P.S If people want a small distraction from work, pre-Christmas prep etc, I have an exhibition of my paintings at the Office de Tourisme in Limoux. There until 18^th Jan.

As you may have already worked out the Steve mentioned above was not me I have similar problems to kate with the computer!

Steve Hedges